Types of Pants

1. Sperm Pants

The graphic is from a shirt that had about a 100 of these little guys on the front and back. The designer cut, placed & secured 46 of them, all hand sewn… for your amusement and pleasure.

2. Peugeot Pants

If you can't afford a Peugeot, just buy the pants!

3. Sunday Pants

The Sunday Pants were designed for couch potatoes – joggers with a detachable tablecloth and pockets for remote controls.

4. Winker Pants

An American artist has created eye-opening trousers that wink at people as you walk. William Jones' ‘Winkers' features a pair of eyes that stare out from the wearer's buttocks.

5. Penis Pants

Finally, a space devoted especially for ‘it'. By designer Isabel Mastache.

6. Wonder Sauna Hot Pants

Now you may be asking yourself when did American consumer culture reach the point of no return? I think I have an answer: sometime in the 70's, when the Wonder Sauna Hot Pants were first offered to the public. Too lazy to work out? Can't afford a tummy tuck? We've got you covered! Try a pair of these fabulous Wonder Sauna Hot Pants! One size fits all… Oh, did I mention they are inflatable?

7. iPad Pocket Pants

Okay iPod, cool. iPhone, sweet. iPad?, fine. iGotaBigAssPocket pants, what the hell? I swear the world will overflow with Apple stuff.

8. Fart Pants

These would make a great Halloween costume.

9. Sh*t Pants

If the fart pants aren't enough for you, then let's step it up and go the whole mile. Ignore people staring and say proudly that you indeed have bowel problems, and you wear white pants and nothing else.

10. Converse Shoes-Pants

I wouldn't recommend going shopping wearing one of these.

11. Bloomer Pants

If fashion criminals ran bordellos, this is what the, er, ladies, would wear. Or at least, they would – if The Fashion Police hadn't seized these trousers and thrown them into the Fashion Police jail, where they're doomed to remain for a very long time. We hope you'll all sleep better tonight knowing they're safely under lock and key. If you absolutely MUST set them free, though, bail is set at £330 and is payable to Yoox.com.

12. Britain's Wrongest Pants

Wallace and Gromit's creator Nick Park has the wrongest wrong trousers in Britain. Wearing a dashing outfit on a bicycle in typical Wallace pose, the award-winning film-maker received 26 per cent of the votes in an online poll to find the celebrity owner of the 'wrongest trousers'. It was all part of annual charity event Wrong Trousers Day, which is supported by Metro.

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